I never was a daddy’s girl, I was always a mama’s girl. Anyone that knows me outside of the internet will tell you that. Other than my husband, she’s the one person I always want to be around because she is so wonderful, brightens up the gloomiest of days and just makes me a better person. She is pure gold. Since moving to Canada last year, I’ve found myself almost incomplete at times.. like I’ve just lost my way. Since my grandmother passed away earlier this month, I have this overwhelming desire to move back home (with my husband in tow of course). He’s dropped “Georgia” on one occasion since we moved to Newfoundland but I’m not sure that he was serious about it when he brought it up. I have my doubts.

My cousin Angie emailed me earlier this morning after reading what I was doing on facebook (that status thinger). She wanted to make sure I was OK and wanted to know what was up with it. I went on to explain our living situation, all the drama that just festers in this house (from one person of course) and so on. She says that she can tell my mom isn’t doing the best, which under the circumstances is understandable. That certainly didn’t help with my desire to be home and with my family. She said that my mom told her I felt guilty about being unable to be there right away and she wanted to make sure I understood that I shouldn’t feel that way. How can I not though? I don’t blame myself or anyone else but the way it happened with them in Georgia and me here.. you simply cannot fight off that guilty feeling easily. I’m sure this normal for anyone who’s been in a similar situation, I know that but it’s just constantly weighing on my mind.

I want to move closer to home, I really do but I know it’s probably not what Jo wants. It’s hard. If we don’t move closer to home, Ontario is definitely closer than Newfoundland but for someone who has always been extremely close to her family.. it’s still too far away. Is it wrong for me to want that? To want to live near my family? I wouldn’t do it if I felt Jo would be unhappy with the idea. I know how unhappiness goes as far as being somewhere you don’t want to be… that was Calgary for me. I certainly wouldn’t want him to feel like I did about Calgary.

I guess it’s too early to be worrying about any of this though. The “move” is still months away. The roads aren’t safe for traveling right now.

Spring is too far away.