Dear self,

You know how my tummy goes “gurgle, gurgle, whhhooommm, whhhooommm”? It’s not without reason! You and I both know it’s likely due to us becoming lactose intolerant! No more milk with cookies, no more ice cream on scorching hot days and of course, no more malted shakes at midnight! Sooner or later I will have to strap you, well me, with an alarm - “Please step away from the dairy products”! Trust me self, I will thank me and so will our tummy!

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Malted shakes at midnight = not a good idea when you’re this >< close to diagnosing yourself as being lactose intolerant.